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Eight Hours of Recommended Reading

(But only if you're really slow.)

Eight Hours Worth
of other Blogs

I've been to too many blogs to list them all in this column, but you can see the list here.

At Least Eight Hours Worth of Podcasts I'm Not Supposed to Like:

February 2007


EHL Podcast: Episode 9

Peddling Porn to Priests

Sunday, February 25, 2007
3:20PM

Things certainly happen for a reason. But is it the reason everyone seems to agree on, or is it something simpler?

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Show Notes

A quick search for the word "priest" on Google news turned up the following:

Or maybe you prefer pastors...

Show and Tell

Friday, February 23, 2007
6:58AM

Here at Eight Hour Lunch, one of the things we consider very important is evidence. For example, in the last podcast I told you stories of sudden weight loss and a drug-addicted convert to the Mormon church.

Well, I thought it'd be easier to understand what I was talking about if I gave you some pictures. So here goes. This is me after my first bout with amoebas:

These pants were a 28" waist.

And here's our convert.

I wonder if he's still active. HA!

EHL Podcast: Episode 8

Our Position on Missionary Work

Sunday, February 18, 2007
10:16PM

Yeah, I went on a mission. Best two years of my life? Hardly. And I'll bet if you're reading this, it wasn't exactly the bowl of cherries they promised you. Or if it was, you got sent home early. Either way, we hope you enjoy the show.

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That's My Girl

Friday, February 16, 2007
6:09PM

"Honey, would you like a plant for your bedroom?"

"Sure."

"What kind would you like?"

"Hmmm... A rose! Because they're beautiful and dangerous."

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

EHL Podcast: Episode 7

With Charity Like That,
Who Needs Enemas?

Sunday, February 11, 2007
3:09PM

We've got a good one for you this week...our first drink of the week from a listener, listener email and a short but energized discussion on the hypocrisy of religion when it comes to charity.

Proposed homeless shelter.

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Show Notes

Here's the expose of Benny Hinn we discussed on the show. To be fair, this is where I need to make a correction. I said he stayed in Italy for $10,000 a night, it turns out he "only " spent $2,700 a night in Montreal. He must be a man of GOD after all. (That's not a compliment). How the hell does anyone ever still fall for this crap? Speaking of which…

Listener Mail

Here's the email from Lindsay that Heidi read in the podcast, along with my answer. I'm sure Lindsay would appreciate any additional advice you have, so please leave her a note!

***

Hi,
My name is Lindsay and I stumbled upon your website recently and after reading a few of the posts decided it had to go in my bookmarks. My story probably starts the same way many of those in your readership do: with an unwelcome tie to Mormonism. My fiancé comes from a Mormon family and he has been living as the family's black sheep since high school really. For some reason it's their way to not discuss upsetting things, like his non-faith, so it is actually not that surprising he has been going so long as a pseudo-Mormon. As our wedding day draws closer, however, there are more and more confrontations regarding this quiet matter. Representatives from the ward in our area harangued us for quite some time before I finally dropped the politeness and told them they were not welcome to show up unannounced at 9pm while my fiancé was out of town on business. We've been together for about 4 years now, and it just seems like with each year I become more and more obsessed with Mormons. How are people following this faith? Tell me how it is not a cult?! Why is it fair to make us feel like we are dirty and wicked and it the same breath it is perfectly fine to have your 18 year old daughter become engaged to a 23 Mormon she met on MySpace the day of her graduation from high school? I just get so worked up over the contradictions and the endless guilt and struggle.

I knew nothing of this religion and it was pretty much harmless to me ("visions of Jesus calming the waters in their ever present feel-good commercials") until I found Nick, and now it's like I can't stop investigating it and thinking about it. He finally went through the process to have his name removed (despite it "breaking his mother's spirit" because he did not want to "be a family forever"). I keep seeing things about how Mormons wish that those that have left the faith would just get over it and let them be... but I struggle to do that and I have never even been Mormon! I feel like shaking them as hard as I can because logical people just cannot believe this!

Mostly, I am thinking about the future and kids. Right now we have two miniature dachshunds (which we consider our kids) and already there is a "good grandma" and a "mean grandma". Do you have problems with your children interacting with the Mormon side? I worry that a child won't be able to distinguish between Mormon grandma being nice and Mormon grandma trying to convert her grandbaby.

That's about it... I understand you have a lot of writing to do so really tackling this is not top on your list, but if you have any anecdotes or advice, by all means!

Keep up the hilarious work,

Lindsay

***

Hi Lindsay,

Unwillingness to discuss unpleasant things seems to be a fairly common phenomenon in Mormon culture. It'd be hard to pin down all the reasons, but I'd be willing to bet that the lion’s share of the blame goes to this verse in the Book of Mormon:

"For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.” (3 Nephi 11:29)

I remember several times in my own family arguments were stifled using these exact verses. And how did I turn out? I grew up so afraid to assert myself about anything at all that it took Heidi years just to get me to send back cold food at a restaurant. My parents still don’t. No, I’m not kidding.

There are too many flaws in just this verse to discuss everything wrong with them here, but I think it’s fair to say that the premise should be kicked to the curb with the impostor who wrote it. Is argument inherently wrong? Is anger?

So why do people subscribe to such bad ideas? That's a valid question. I mean it all sounds so crazy on the outside, right? The most convincing argument I've heard so far involves the theory of how ideas, or memes spread within society. Memes don't necessarily take off because they're good but because like any successful organism, they are proficient at reproducing. Thus, even bad ideas take on an almost Darwinian evolution and life of their own.

As for the rapid-fire marriage question, I'm probably not qualified to answer. Heidi and I only dated for about a month before I proposed. Looking back, I wouldn't try to justify that decision based on our ten happy years together—we were just damn lucky.

You said, “I keep seeing things about how Mormons wish that those that have left the faith would just get over it and let them be...”

But it is perfectly reasonable to obsess over an injustice, particularly when you have been affected by it. It's your sense of justice at work here, not some character flaw. What Mormons are doing when they parrot this line is exercising one of the strongest tools in religion’s arsenal: guilt.

The hope is that if they can get you to accept that something you are doing is evil, soon you’ll need them to fix the flaw in your character (or at the very least you’ll just leave them alone). Of course in a situation like yours, you're probably already seeing clearly enough to recognize it for what it is: a desperate and pathetic ploy to win you over in the absence of a logical argument. There are plenty of legitimate reasons to feel guilt. Thinking rationally is not one of them.

I understand first hand your concern about your kids to be. I've met the "good and evil" grandma. Though I’d be reluctant to call my mom evil, the mindset that makes her cling to bad ideas has everything in common with most of the people who cherish bad philosophy—she means well.

Even having been out of Mormonism for nearly eight years, my mom has still on occasion tried to sneak a little Jesus into my kid. I think she's at a point where she's fairly well inoculated, but early on, it did create some problems.

One day a while back, my daughter gave us a very short lecture on her unified theory of cosmic origins. It was all so easy, why didn't I see it before? JESUS DID IT. Well of course, neither of us had ever taught her this, so we were eager to get to the bottom of it.

Ok now, get ready. This is the advice part. If you bring your kids up rationally, I doubt you’ll have any trouble protecting them from religion. On top of that, make sure that your kids understand that they can talk to you about anything. When Brynn told us about Jesus and his Amazing Instant Earth Kit, we didn't get upset—not with her anyhow. We just asked a few calm questions to find out where she'd gotten her info.

When it turned out to be my parents, I gave them a call right away and let them know in no uncertain terms why that kind of behavior was unacceptable. Of course they put up a fight (which is ironic enough on its own, given the mandate against contention). So far they've been careful not to trespass again.

We were quick to counter the doctrinal sniping with a discussion of the big bang and the various gods throughout history. It was hard to get through to her at first. She couldn't imagine her beloved grandparents would ever tell her something that wasn't true. But it didn’t take long for the real explanation to stick because it actually made sense. Fast forward a couple of years, and I think it's safe to say that we've completely inoculated our daughter against the mystical world view.

Of course there are no guarantees, but I think you said it best.

"Logical people just cannot believe this."

EHL Podcast: Episode 6

Crimes, Pregnancy and Punishment

Sunday, Feb 4, 2007
3:19PM

Our crime was trying to predict the pregnancy in our future. The punishment, though pleasant, is parenthood. The problem with parenthood is proactively pointing your punk down a productive path without permanently poisoning your relationship. So please, put together a pick-me-up, pass this program around to a couple pals, and put us on your pod.

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This podcast goes well with The Primary Colors.

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